Funny Puns
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
ceremony wasn\'t much, but the reception was excellent. 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I\'ll serve
you, but don\'t start anything." 3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
taste funny to you?"
7. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don\'t believe
you," says Dolly. "It\'s true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy. 8. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing
to look at either.
9. Deja Moo: The feeling that you\'ve heard this bull before.
10. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn\'t
find any.
11. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
Doctor, doctor, I can\'t feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you
can\'t - I\'ve cut off your arms!"
12. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says "Dam!".
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The Happiness Recipe - Attitude, Memories, and Authentic
Communication By Terry Vermeylen
I\'ve done an enormous amount of research on happiness over the years
and it is a subject I am continually fascinated by. Human beings are
already such incredibly complex creatures. Add on the ever-evolving
technological and materialistic age we live in, and happiness seems to
become more and more elusive. So what can we do to create more
bliss in our busy lives? Here are three happiness nuggets
I\'ve discovered over the years. Build happy memories
On vacation a few years ago, we packed the kids into the car and drove
down to Cape Cod. It was cold, wet and miserable. After a few days the sun
broke through the rain clouds, and we headed off to the beach in Chatham.
Far off in the distance, we saw a strange black mass. Rocks? What was it?
We kept on walking. As we neared that big black mass, we discovered, much
to our surprise, a huge group of over two hundred seals playfully
lollygagging on a sandbar, one hundred feet in front of us!
The kids fell madly in love with the cute, plump baby seals
gazing at us with huge, moist brown eyes. We parked ourselves on
the beach, sitting in awe of the wonderful scene, enjoying it for
hours on end. Do you think that the kids are happy when I bring up that memory?
Absolutely! It lights up their faces (and mine) every time. Do they think
about their discarded video games the same way? Heck, no!
Memories like that last a lifetime. And it doesn\'t have to be cute baby
seals. How about a hike in the mountains? Or a trip to the zoo? Happy
memories last a lifetime, "stuff" doesn\'t. A great attitude is only one thought away.
How many times have you asked someone at work, at the grocery store, or
even friends, "How\'s it going," only to be met with a mumbled, "Not
too bad"? I\'ve come across plenty of unhappy people, especially in the
service industry, to the point where I try to avoid any scowling,
grumbling or just plain mean people who seem to be living their
lives in a perpetual funk. But there\'s a particular lady at my
grocery store who always has a bright smile on her face, a cheery hello
and will go the extra mile to happily clip out coupons for me! I always
try to pass through her cash because she makes my day that much happier.
She expresses herself in such an unabashedly joyful manner that I
highly doubt she comes into work with that "It\'s not going too bad" that
we all hear time and time again. Not going too bad?? That just saddens me. So, choose your mannerisms,
body language and words carefully. How about "It\'s going great"? Along
with a great big smile, of course! You\'ll have people doing a quick double
take and maybe you\'ll even pass your mood along to others. The power of
attitude is simply amazing. Old ladies in Italy probably don\'t worship the Internet and have
Ipods. During a trip to Florence, Italy, I peered out my window one
morning and was struck by a scene of older Italian ladies amicably
chatting together. Adding to the charm was all the washed, white bed
sheets flapping on clotheslines over the street - the sort of scene out of
an old movie. These ladies certainly don\'t sit in front of a computer and
chat over the Internet! And that\'s what\'s scary about our supposedly
technologically superior culture. It was supposed to bring us closer
together. Remember global community and all that jazz? But has it brought
us closer together? We seem to spend more time hunkered down in front of computers
or video games, oblivious to our neighbours in our cocoon of
electronics and suburbia. Connecting with friends, neighbours and
your kids can be deeply satisfying when all the technological
clutter is pushed aside. And those connections are the most genuine
and will probably be the happiest you have. Those Italian ladies were
really enjoying their face-to-face time. Maybe it\'s time for a little less
e-mail and chat sites and a little more authentic communication in
order to reconnect with our humanness. We\'ll be that much happier for it. Let\'s make a little happiness recipe.
One brimming cup of ever lasting wonderful memories,
One packed cup of positive attitude,
One overflowing cup of authentic communication.
Mix well.
Makes many delightful servings.
Unknown words:
elusive - неуловимый; труднодостижимый
bliss - блаженство, счастье
nugget - крупица чего-либо ценного; маленький кусок
seal - тюлень
to lollygag - валять дурака
sandbar - песчаная отмель
plump - полный; пухлый
to gaze - пристально глядеть; уставиться
awe - трепет, благоговение
to discard - отбрасывать, выбрасывать за ненадобностью
heck - ( обозначает недовольство, раздражение, удивление )
черт, черт побери
mumble - бормотание, нечеткое произнесение
scowl - хмурый вид; сердитый взгляд
plain - явно, откровенно; совершенно, безусловно
mean - неприятный, противный, низкий, подлый
funk - угнетенное состояние, депрессия
unabashedly - беззастенчиво, уверенно
to peer out of the window - выглядывать из окна
amicably - дружелюбно
to hunker down - (infml.) засесть, приняться за дело
oblivious - непомнящий, забывающий; не обращающий внимания
suburbia - предместья и их жители; пригороды
clutter - суматоха, суета
authentic - истинный, настоящий, подлинный
serving - кусок, порция
A WORD OF WISDOM
Actions speak louder than words
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