Joke: WORK RULES
SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If
you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you
need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired
you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called
Saturday and Sunday.
VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year.
The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, May 1,9 & . Aug. 24
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for
dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have
non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee
involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late
afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour
and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is
done enough.
OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two
weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacement.
RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future,
we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance,
all employees whose names begin with \'A\' will go from 8:00 to 8:20,
employees whose names begin with \'B\' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on.
If you\'re unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait
until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies
employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees\' supervisors
in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict
3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm
will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will
open.
LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that
they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get
a balanced meal to maintain the average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes
for lunch because that\'s all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take
a diet pill. Sondra gets none.
DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary,
if we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci bag we
assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a
raise.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or
input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week.
Management
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